Coffee is a twisted love affair for me. I find that drinking coffee is thrilling, motivating and delectable. I have many rituals around it: like popping into Prime Roast, my favorite coffee shop. Seeing the folks who work and hang there can be an important part of my day as a mompreneur. I love the spot as much as I love the coffee. They do sell tea; I don’t get it very often though. I prefer certain roasts; right now I’m into Organic Bali Blue Moon (love the image!). I have particular grinding and brewing techniques I use at home (fresh ground and French press please).

The main reason I love coffee? To use Dolly’s words from the song Working 9 to 5, ” Wake up in the morning, stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition, yawn and stretch and try to come alive…” That’s it; I love the sense of ambition, the feeling of coming alive. In my mommy, kid, homemaker, entrepreneur, family cook, community member life what the heck is wrong with that?? I live a healthy life; it’s a priority for me. It’s an awesome full life, and I am very purposeful about the activities I choose, foods I eat and systems I use to maintain it. I often ‘ring the towel dry’ and squeeze a little bit more out of my day.

I don’t always need coffee to feel ambitious; in fact sometimes it starts to cloud my motivation. For the next 2 weeks I am on a food cleanse, and I’ve switched to mostly caffeine free teas, with an occasional green tea or black tea infusion if I feel like it. What I appreciate about this time away from coffee is that I become more aware of how it can become a crutch for me, a way to plow through my daily living, instead of connecting with my true intentions for the life I’m living. It lets me get more done, but I sense I start to ignore the quiet voice inside that may need to rest, or read, or connect with my ‘real’ self. The self that isn’t a clean house, a business minded health counselor building a successful business. It’s the self that isn’t always sure, that likes to read, go for walks, and really live. The self that is open to the muse, the angelic forces, and the coincidences in life.

Without coffee, and while eating a cleansing diet, I shed weight, toxins, and layers of ‘shoulds’ and tasks. I tend to be the do more, ADHD, Pitta, lover of all things new and exciting type. And at times I use coffee to keep that going. I also use coffee to lift myself out of a long day and into a long night of responsibilities. It serves me. Sure there are many other strategies. I’m a health counselor, I know this! Just like all the rest of life, it’s a choice that I enjoy making. I’ve found peace with it. I’ve chosen moderation, and ownership of my choice. I choose it, and I let go of the guilt. Really, it’s just a cup of coffee.

Stepping away, reminds me to build up some other muscles of self-care, because I often see having a coffee as self-care. During the next 2 weeks I let myself sleep, I might not get ‘it’ all done, but I do get just one thing at a time done. Awesome. And I am doing this while launching Mompreneur Wellness, my business, into a bigger field. I want to be connected to myself and the choices I am making. And I found that I was letting coffee induced ‘ambition’ get in the way.

During this time, I wonder, as you might be, will I stay off of coffee forever? It is a positive experience being off coffee. But I won’t give it up. I will drink a cup or 2 here and there; I’ll try to control its hold on me. And when I feel that slipping, when I get to the place where I can feel it depleting me, aggravating me, I’ll step away again. I’m Ok with a vice; in this crazy world of momness I’ll take a cup of ambition when I can get it.

Cydney Smith, MompreneurWellness.com. Holiday special “Total Wellness Breakthrough for Entrepreneur Moms” free (reg. $87) now through Dec. 15, 2009. Email cydney@mompreneurwellness.com for more info. Twitter.com/cydneysmith, FB fan page: www.tinyurl.com/mompreneuerwellness